i am just a disgusting human being. i have no idea how jesus can take me in. not when i act like this. think like this. i am disgusted of myself and of this world.

some people just really grind my gears.

did i really just think that? on thanksgiving day?
i am the most selfish person on the freakin planet.
on wednesday night, i felt so thankful for life, now im dreading waking up to it. seriously?
this is what happens when i'm bound at my mothers for an entire holiday.
looking back, i never did think that i would miss the day that my holidays were split into three's and fours. for the past eight years, its always been wake up at moms, go with dad to step relatives. then to mawmaws/cousins house. then back with mom. with christmas, its worse. i dont even want to describe it.
it really bothers me that we have a fake tree. why do we even acknowledge that it's a tree. there should be another name for it. like suckorama. or fakefest. seriously, why?


my eyes are burning. i have no idea why. like the corners of them. i hope its not pink eye.

...did that just rhyme?


i stare at my bare arms and i love and hate them. after ripping off all of my bracelets in that teenaged angst i tend to have, i feel better. but also worse. worse because it feels like that itch in the middle of your back that only someone else or a long pointy stick can handle. and its taunting because you cant fight it off yourself. but its like no one is good at scratching except for this one being that you know, one that you have to come humble to. and here you are, wishing death among yourself and everything in the house, selfish and arrogant as can be, and you cant even ask them to scratch your back.