originally, this was mine.

do i think that i'll be saved by something that i make?

like a painting swims to rescue me before i'm swallowed by the wave

i'm on thin ice as it is

i don't care who i came with

i gotta go back home and clean my room before i lose myself in this.

if you don't care, then i don't care.

what's the point in talking if no one's there.

well i am on a silly mission to heat the cold and dry the wet.

i hallucinate connections between me and my best friends.

i was holy once upon a time but that was yesterday

i am the ghost of the tribe.

if you don't care, then why should i care?

i talk to myself.

yo nunca muerto.

pero lo yo siempre pierdo.

eso es la vida.

RUINED.

today, i saw a man preaching on the sidewalk
i rolled down my window to hear
"...injecting needles into my arm every day. but now God has saved me! brothers and sisters.."
i smiled, and i yelled
"keep it up, my brother!"
he waved.
the light turned green
i accelerated
and smashed into the jeep in front of me.

enola

i feel like everyone else has such a cooler life than i do.

it snowed today. something i didnt want just because it would change everything this coming week, and most likely not giving me the freetime that i would have liked.

but i just feel like i'm missing out on life. that it's my fault.

i have to deactivate my facebook soon, or i'm going to go insane from envy. i cant even look at people's pictures from their epic adventures i just can't seem to have.

i take a walk. i take some pictures. but they don't look anything like their pictures.

what am i doing wrong?

all this awesome stuff is happening to people, and all i've got is my stupid self. i feel like everyone is written into this song about how they spend endless nights chasing after towns, having fun, singing songs, laughing, doing the weirdest stuff, and i'm just the punk who downloaded it from the internet. but i cant even do that because i don't have the right stuff.

i just feel like i'm missing something big. like the ability to be naturally fun and creative. like artists. i just don't get them. you give them a pen and paper, and they just start drawing. theres no questions, no thinking. they just do. but me, i like struggle my way through doodling. i say its not pressured, but it completely is. i wouldnt be comparing myself if i wasnt content with what i am doing.

i sometimes wonder if my own sin has done this to me. or if i just naturally distance myself from others.

snow days aren't meant to be spent alone.

To God be the Glory.

My Father never ceases to amaze and astound me. His mercies are more than I can handle.

i went through an ELEVEN day dry spell of not reading my Bible. THAT IS POSSIBLY THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. sin found it's way back into my life, and i was completely and utterly disrespecting God. The Lord bent me every day, but instead i listened to the devil's lies. it wasnt until i begged the Lord to break me that i found His light. six am this morning and here i am, weak and feeble, not even able to pray for myself. I thank God for his spirit.

guys, God is the best thing ever. I love christianity. without Jesus, i am a hopeless sinner.