its summer. not officially because its not monday. but it will be. but its already sucking. i didnt do anything today. except mow the grass. it wasnt that i couldnt do anything, i just felt tired. all day long. went to bed at like 10 and actually got out of bed around 12. its so hot in my room. and only my room. i swear, every other room is nice and air conditioned. but no. my dang room wont cool down. the window unit only makes it hotter, the fan only moves the heat around.
i hate that my bed is so uncomfortable. i miss my blue squishy pillow, i slept so well with that. im getting like no sleep, and thats why im so cranky and irritable. i just want to sleep. gosh, so badly i just want to sleep. what the heck is wrong with me?
i also want to shave my head. i hate my hair right now.
i have this stupid annoying cut on the side of my foot and it rubs up against everything.
I HATE HOW EVERYTHING ITCHES. i have 358238204585 million bugbites and they itch. so. badly. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO SCRATCH THEM TOO. cause if i scratch them, they will profusely bleed. and then scab. and then ill pick at the scab. then it will scab, unscab, rescab, and unscab about 8 more times, and it will SCAR. and i do not need any more stupid little scars. and there are so many stupid little bugs crawling around my house. i dont even know where they come from. same with the snakes and lizards. last year, we had a lizard problem, now we have snakes living in our bushes. and every little thing i see i think is a snake. its not like we live in the boondocks! but the wild interaction here sure seems like it.
i hate that my mom watched juno with me. that is MY movie, and here she is watching it with me, laughing at all the parts that arent supposed to be funny, RUINING IT. really, shes the source of all my problems. she keeps buying all this stupid shelving that we dont even need. im pretty sure she BOUGHT NEW things to actually put on the shelves. worst part, its all black. it doesnt even match. she says our house isnt finished. well its gonna take 4 moving trucks if we ever want to get out of this hellhole. ugh. i cant tell if im pmsing or if this is just built up.
i hate self discipline. its so hard to manage. cause if you screw up, you've got no one to blame but yourself. actually, anything that happens, everything you feel, its all because of you. theres no redirecting the emotions, you cant. because you KNOW that its your fault. I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE. so disrupt. bothered. like my skin is too dry and my hair is too wet. and everything still itches. and im so tired, but i just cant sleep. nor can i cry. and thats just the worst.
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