Untitleable.

i cant think of anything to do for my art project. we have to use linear and aerial perspective. meaning stuff has to be in our back, middle, and fore ground. everyone is doing city scenes with buildings and people. and i dont want to do a water scene, it doesnt "fill the space." were going to turn the image into a colligraph(sp) ; where going to recreate the image with string and paint over it several times to make prints out of it. its a cool idea, i just have no inspiration. i think i want to have people, or a person in it. but i dont want to do nature scenes. but thats the only thing that i can think of. i've lost all inspiration. and mayday's lyrics keep ringing in my head: "i do that thing, you know what i do, when i find inspiration." BUT I HAVE NO INSPIRATION. art is just discouraging to me these days. i dont even know why. last year was good, back in art 1. but we havent done many exciting things so far. its second semester and i havent finished any of the art projects weve worked on. why is this even bothering me this much? i dont think art is my thing, like it used to be. im not sure what my thing is right now. you know, like how everyone has a thing, a hobby, a talent. like cecelia rides horses and plays soccer, nate does sports, some people play an instrument, some people have that awesome gift of writing, or a knack for
poetry. some people can sing like an angel. most people just have that natural gift that they love. i dont know what im good at, or what my "thing" is. i dont really have something that really defines me. from ages 6-13 i did taekwondo. that was my identity. that and being a charter school kid. i was also into writing back then, like short stories with cheesy morals. i was sort of into that, but i went through that whole dragon, elves, magic stage and started writing about that. but then i dropped tkd for soccer and lost all interest for that stuff. soccer was so much fun, but it was just fun. i know i cant even keep up with highschool soccer, its too intense. i wanted to just join a rec team- ashley was on one for a while but she never told me when tryouts were. then i aged out of the team. so that sucked. then at the end of 8th and into 9th grade i tried out art. i got into art one and made some semi successful pieces. but i dont have that natural eye for shadowing and memorizing shapes and structures like some really awesome people do. i can mimic artwork and doodle here and there, but i dont have a solid "identity" in art. so now its 10th grade and im still working on guitar. im really waiting for a teacher though. i dont know how to read music but im hoping that can be taught. i want to get into that, but i dont think ill be like a devout guitarist. i want to learn all the good kimya dawson songs and play for my youth group, but thats really it. i dont have high dreams for it. and now im left contemplating what i want to do with my life. people are always asking where i want to go for college and do when i get older. but im really just not sure. ive been telling people app, but i think thats just cause it seems like a cool school thats far enough away from home, but also in state. but the more i think about it, the more i want to move further away. i was thinking maybe north, but now im thinking south. maybe alabama or georgia. this is what im trying to distract myself with this sunday.
everyone's out and enjoying this awesome weather. my window is open, but its kind of a bummer to go on walks alone. this is becoming more a ramble fest than something productive. im just bent out of shape over really dumb things. and i want to talk about them, but i dont want to sound pathetic and needy. even though i know i most likely am.
i wish the fray would combine their music and lyrics with linkin park's. cross "in pieces" by linkin park with "heaven forbid" by the fray. that would be the best song.