skitzophrenia

whatever, ill fall out if i want to fall out.
but do you want to fall out?
..no... i really dont. but i dont think they'd stop it. they sure dont mind now.
i thought they were you best friends.
i thought they were too.
you sound kind of angry. i thought you said you werent going to be mad.
i did say that. and now i take it back. i see whats more important. feeding the heart.
thats kind of harsh.
i know. but so are their actions.
this is a bit dramatic, dont you think?
oh i know- im already drifting, might as well go out with a bang.
and this is your ideal way of a bang?
no. i was hoping (if it had to happen at all) that it would happen when the current juniors left for college.
so what now?
i guess i get to know the neighborhood kids.
the school friends.
yes.
the ones that arent christians.
like that matters anymore? their the ones that are always end up hurting you more. they say true christians have that "inseparable bond." whatever.
well that means one of you arent doing your part.
id say more than one.
who's to judge here?
whatever. theyre not stopping it and im trying my best to prevent it.
tragic.
it is to me. these guys were my life. i still want them to be.
what about God prioritizing your life? him changing it for the better?
im not ready to accept that this is really happening yet.
but you just said it is.
well, maybe i was letting the drama get to me.
yeah..maybe you were.
what you think this is for real?
well if you said it is....whatever happened to that "if you set your mind to it" deal..does that not apply here?
look i dont want this to happen. i just want to be accepted..and loved. love is important.
you dont want to get hurt.
never. i want to be happy. but i dont think i can without these guys.
i see.
...its all my fault. i must have done something for them to not like me. for them to only talk to me out of pity. i hate it when they say that they miss me. its NEVER genuine. they dont know what missing someone really feels like.
they dont?
oh i dont know!
then what do you know?
that i should probably be submitted to a mental institute.
good idea.