failure knows my name.

i hate my sin. my sinful nature. i hate it. i struggle with it every day, but it attacks me at night. always. im such a night owl. i never accomplish anything worthwhile until night. but thats also when im most vulnerable. i feel so raw- my sin constantly rubs an abrasive scathe against my heart, against my spirit. my sins only cause me to sin more, or make me want to sin more. i hate living in the moment-such instant gratification. i hate it. hate hate hate. thats a sin too? to hate?
i know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. for i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. for what i do is not the good i want to do, no the evil i do not what to do-this is what keep on doing. James says to confess your sins to one another, but my friends would never accept it. they hardly do now. we arent very accepting of sin unless we participate in it too.
i dont know the difference between guilt and true repentance. i feel like i should repent, but i repent of this every time i do it, and yet, theres hardly a struggle to fight it. but then, after its done, it feel sorrowful. disgusted. it makes me hate myself. but it also makes me want to take some sort of action against myself, punishment. i deserve it. but its just more sin. at that point i just give in and cry about it. then i feel repentance. but i dont know how long that lasts. i want this sin gone. i want to conquer it. i want all my sins gone! i hate living like this. i feel disgusting. i feel sickening, repulsive. i dont deserve the love of Jesus.