uhm.

i tend to not understand things. i ask a lot of questions. mainly the basics, but i dont need a brochure.
i struggle in school, but i play it off well. i normally stumble through my classes, landing with a solid B. i have a habit of biting my nails when im puzzled, or bored for that matter. and i always read labels on energy drinks to laugh at the taurine amounts. its always 1000mg.

i always compare my actions to those around me, just to double check im living life correctly, cause sometimes my handbook switches languages. i mispronounce words all the time, but in my mind they sound right to me. though i think most people just hear stupid when my lips move. i have awful stagefright, you can see it in when my papers vibrate. i replay conversations over and over, sometimes changing them so they dont sound as bad, but i always know what was really said.

i'd like to think my subconscious is non-existent, and that i have all my small habits, annoying perks, and unsaid thoughts tucked away neatly in a file cabinet in the back of my mind. but someone keeps adding restricted files to it so its hard to get in there. i just need a bobby pin to pick the lock.

people are the most peculiar things to me. some are predictable, and some never fail to amaze me. but then there are those who try so hard to be "spontaneous," that their spontaneity is highly predictable. i kind of want to walk up to them and say a series of weird words just to watch them freak out, cause most of them are like that. did i mention i try not to stereotype?

i felt guilty when i didnt mention jesus in my english class two days ago. we were talking about "characters larger than life," and names such as michael jackson, and chuck norris, and oprah, and shakespeare. and the whole time i was racking my brain to think of important people in history, and never once did i think jesus. im an awful christian. i didnt do the lord justice, and i almost (30 minutes later) raised my hand and said that i had another example of a larger than life character. but my english class already intimidates me enough.

sometimes i go too far. i get too attached, too obsessed. not clingy, but i write "worried" over every excuse note. there is such thing as caring too much, and caring too less. examples of both confide in my household.

typically, im at a loss for words. but during times like these, i have a whole mouthful, just nothing worth saying, or no friendship worth ruining.

or saving, really. depends how you view it. but whats said is said and what's gone is gone. there arent any take backs, no repeats, no game overs, no retries.

just life.
now watch it go on.