ROMANS 8

i consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
the creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.
for the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be freed from its bondage to decay, and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

we know that the whole creation has been groaning since the pains of childbirth, right up to the present time. not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
for in this hope we were saved.
but hope that is seen is no hope at all. who hope for what he already has? but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

in the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us and groans with words that cannot be expressed. and he who knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose. for those God foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his son, so that he might be the first born among many brothers. and those he predestined, he also called; he also justified; those he justified he also glorified.

what then, shall we say in response to this? if God is for us, who can be against us? he who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for is all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died-more than that, who was raised to life- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

who shall seperate us from the love of Christ?
shall trouble or prosecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
as it is written:
"for your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
no, in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. for i am convinced that neither death
nor life,
neither angels
nor demons
neither the present
or the future
nor any powers
neither height or depth
nor ANYTHING ELSE IN CREATION
will be able to seperate use from the love of GOD that is in CHRIST JESUS, OUR LORD.

1/11/10

blab. blab. blab.
too many people are misinterpreting the wrong words. its like nothing is clear anymore, like everyone's written tone is off. which sucks, cause it makes it hard for communication.

i think its ironic how the people who have the most trouble with adults are having trouble with this whole stacey thing. and those whose parental background is decent are finding it easy as pie.

i really should do hw. but really, all of its review. i gave up on doing biology at home since i found a new way to get by during lunch time.

are you ready for some serious irony?
a year ago this past weekend, hunter went to winterjam with the friends that i lost her to.
i went to winterjam this weekend with the friends i think im going to lose too.
despite what they say, i think i believe in fate too, i swear oedipus is rubbing off on me, but i think im inevitably driving people away. why or how, i dont know. but it happens every year. but its why im going to lay off for a while until i can be sure the waters are safe again.
you think im kidding? i have a way with repelling people.
i lost danielle the end of my 7th grade year, jon the end of my 8th, hunter the middle of ninth, come on, who next? who else does God want to bring into my life, let me attach a few heartstrings to, and then rip them away like a bandaid? "it will only hurt for a little bit" yeah maybe, but you cant hide the scar underneath it. and i think i mean that as literally as possible.

january 7th, 2010

i read the words, i hear the voice, the tone describes whats left unsaid. let the actions speak loudest.

sighhh

things are just kind of goin right now. i think im finally getting things right in my life, for once.
i dont even know why im up. i dont think my body will be able to sleep. im all achey.
itunes is making me mad. it wont sync my music. like it wont put my new playlists on it. idkk. and genius, i have no idea how to work it. it must take a genius to work it. aha. punny.
okay, so im a lameo. with a big heart. lately, aha call me a girl, but i have been getting sad over the weirdest things. i guess its a good thing.
i love how in the bible, when people are distressed, other people can mourn with them. like in job, when he is down, his friends stop by, see in him pain, and suffer with him. they rip their robs, pull on their hair, rub dirt.. cry.. idk what else. but like, they were so expressive back then, i wish i could do that now.
like when kimberly was put in the hospital or whatever happened, i was so panicked, i started crying a little.
when gabby was left behind by her family over the break, and she was stuck at her aunts house, i felt exactly what she would feel, cause i kind of know what thats like. but i felt the hurt along with her.

i dont know exactly where im going with this, but its just something ive noticed over the past few days. most of the time i want to mourn or cry with the people, but i hold them back. for some reason, i feel its not right. i have no idea whats going on.
but tonight was excellent. everyone was there, i was so, so so so, happy to be with everyone, finally.
im not sure whats going on, but im seeing God working his way back into my life. or thats how i'd like to view it, even though i know he's always been there. im just starting to see him again.

so much for an epiphany

i always have the been breakthroughs when im in the car. seriously. but i never have anything to write them down with. i really need to though. while waiting for my mom, i finally figured myself out. its far too long to write on here, to write in general. i tried to write it. but it causes for so much explanation and just..so much. too much to reveal anything on here. far too public. but i think it will just stay in my head. for now.
the point is though, i had this amazing break through, i finally figured myself out, and yet, nothing. it sounds all nice and pretty in my head, but when truth comes to truth, im too much of a coward to fight for it. or weak. i dont know. this isnt a pity party blog though. this is me trying to get some crap straight.
THE POINT IS i freakin ruin everything for myself. none of my priorities are straight, if i even have any. making it through the day is solid enough. i dont really know what im saying, or why im saying it.
i just dont know right now.

the words are coming out

the dreams aren't so still
its not your fault
youre just here for the thrill
your conscious is screaming
right and wrong fight for your soul
the message is clear
youre loosing all control.
reoccurring, they haunt you at night
you wake and you wake and you toss and you turn
its obvious everywhere,
youre filled with concern.
but why fight the inevitable
what you cant overcome
your conscious is mocking you
waiting for you to succumb
some call it foreshadowing
others call it fate
its the sin thats got you hooked
the reason why you hate.
in the dreams it's so real
it brings you a scare
could you ever get that desperate?
its your only prayer.
you feel obligated
yet want to fight
its so easy to sink in
until everything's alright.
your breath uneven
your voice you cannot trust
so hear yourself now
"ive got to fight, its something i must."
its something thats feared, hated
yet part of you yearns
the easy escape,
so much simpler than he who learns.
another day, another war wound;
the battle still rages on
its only a dream,
a night till its gone.

this is a pointless entry.

some people are really starting to bother me. no one you know, but consider yourself lucky.
there are those who are almost scary. like im not sure if i should talk to them or not. friends from life's past. you know? like im sort of thinking.. hmm do i really want to talk to these people again? but im putting myself on a leash, not going to let it go far.
ah, theres a lot i want to say. but i feel afraid to say it all. and that took a lot of gut to say too. crap. am i becoming a recluse again. crapcrapcra.
yes, this is just a pointless venting poolosa. myspace is filled with too many.. ah, readers. yeah. and facebook. well i have to gaurd everything i say now. i didnt realize how much my family pays attention to that. now theyre going to be all freakworried again cause i included "sketchy lyrics" in my status and picture. woopie deeee.

im really mad that none of my school friends bothered to return any of my texts over the two weeks. like tyler. he always thinks hes so much more important than the rest of the world. like he only has time for him and his girlfriend. its gotten to the point where his annoying little brother texts me more than he does. i dont really talk much to the "friends" i have in school either. like we may all sit together in the morning, but i really dont want to. i sit in this huge throng of people, and my friends like tyler and alyssa sit in the back, in the middle, and so its weird cause im just like this awkward 34732 wheel to this group. theyre all older than me, but the sophmores of the group all sit near the front, and i know them a lot better and frankly find them more interesting, but im not on the same level as them, psychologically. it consists of those like philosopher want to be people, the veterinarians and twilight freaks. the save the earth people and the 'let me ask you a ponderous question' people. but theyre still fun to talk to. idkk.

im very ready for the new highschool to open up. i think ill feel so much more...better about it.
ugh. im stressing about the school work too. i just rememebered that i have to to stay after for two tests in bio after school, but i really need to stay for the tutoring too. crap.
i think im going to take a walk, then see if i can go home.
hasofhasofhakfhsdhfdsg.
sorry this one is dumb.