suckageeee

i think there was a huge misunderstanding tonight.
what was supposed to be a study session appeared as something else.
i love you guys. it wasnt that voluntary, rides were just needed and given.
i hate leaving people out.
its all math's fault.

doesnt take a genius to figure this one out

twenty four oceans

twenty four skies

twenty four failures

and twenty four tries.

twenty four finds me in twenty fourth place

with twenty four drop-outs at the end of the day.

life is not what i thought it was twenty four hours ago.

still, im singing "spirit take me up in arms with you"

and im not who i thought i was, twenty four hours ago.

still im singing "spirit, take me up in arms with you."

theres twenty four reasons to admit that im wrong

with all of my excuses, im still twenty four strong.

see...im not copping out, when youre raising the dead in me

i am the second man now.

and youre raising these twenty four voices with twenty four hearts.

with all of my symphonies in twenty four parts.

but i want to be one today, centered and true,

so im singin "spirit take me up in arms with you"

youre rasing the dead in me.

RELIENT IS THE BEST.

I LOVE RELIENT KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.





:]

it makes me laugh

when stupid people do shallow things. but they try to be indiscreet about it, and it turns out being obvious as poo.
has anyone noticed those white tiny tiny puffball flying insects??? theyre so creepy and theres about a million of them flying in my yard.

uhm so i got in this fight with my mom last night. no need for details, but it makes me laugh when she tries to be my best friend the next day.
"oh i made you lunch"
"hey lets go watch a movie"
"you wanna help me make dinner?"
uhm lady, about 19 hours ago you were screaming your guts off at me. go talk to your stupid clients.

CUTE ADORABLE KITTEN

oh my gosh. so my dad was taking me back home from his house and we stopped to get some gas. as he's filling it up, i heard a squeakish meow coming from the car. i heard it like 3 times and was convinced it was a cat. mkay so i start opening the glovebox, banging on the dashboard, looking for this dang cat. i jump out of the car and pop to hood and start looking around for it in there. my dad had the idea to back the car under the light and look, and when he started the car, the cat ran out from under it!!

it was a little back kitten! no more than 2 months old.. i dont know, prolly way less. who knowss.

IT WAS SO CUTE.

i caught it and we eventually went back home while i had the poor little thing under my jacket. it was so scared, i felt so bad for it. and it kept meowing. BUT IT WAS SO CUTE!

so bev wanted to kind of keep it, but we have no moneys so we took it outside and grabbed a flash light and looked around in the bushes right next to my house.

my dad knew that there were some critters living there but we didnt know cats did. so i put down the little thing, which is actually a girl, and she walked around a little. meowed, but frankly, looked lost. so i picked her back up and took her inside and took pictures of her. we were gonna name it, but we would have gottened attatched. but my dad was like lets name it lucky, and i said how about grace, and bev said PT cause she came out from the pt cruiser.

by then it was getting late, so we took her deeper into the shrubbery and set her down. this time she was more cautious. she wandered into one bush, then meowed like crazy and this other cat, also black comes up. my dad didnt see it, but i told him about it. so i guess they found eachother. it was really sad, but sweet at the same time. there was much holding and petting and kissing before i let the little tyke go. i wanted her so badly. she was sooo preciousss. here are some pictures. they arent in the best quality, but theyre so cute. she was really little. i mean she could fit into the palm of my hand, but not very well, lol.

<-this one was supposed to be for porportion, thats like a 15x17 picture frame so...

SHE WAS SO CUTE!

19.

loose lips might sink ships

but loose gooses take trips to sanfransico.

d o u b l e d u t c h d i s c o .

tech-tv hottie.

do it for scotty.

do it for the living.

and do it for the dead.

do it for the MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED.

do it for the teenagers,

and do it for your mom

broken hearts hurt, but they make us strong.

and WE WONT STOP ..until somebody calls the cops

and even then

we'll start again

and just pretend that nothing ever happened.

WE WONT STOP

..until somebody calls the cops.

but even then,

we'll start again and just pretend that nothing ever happened.

were just dancing...

were just hugging...

singin

screamin

kissin

tuggin on the the sleeve of how it used to be

hows it gonna be?

ill DROP KICK russell stover-

move into the starting-over house

and know matt rouse and jest are watching me achieve my dreams

and we'll pray all dang day, every day,

that all this crap our president has got us in will go away.

and we'll strive to figure out a way we can survive these trying times

WITHOUT loosing our minds.

so if you want to burn yourself, remember that

I LOVE YOU.

and if you want to cut yourself, remember that

I LOVE YOU.

and if you want to kill yourself, remember that,

I LOVE YOU.

call me up before youre dead-

we can make some plans instead,

send me an IM,

ill be your friend.

17.

you know when you have something really important to say and so you wave you hand anxiously in the air while the teacher directly looks at you and still refuses to call on you, and then when you finally get to say it, you forget about it, and youre sitting there racking your brain until it hurts just to remember, and then when you finally remember you realize that it wasnt even that big of a deal, and then youre even a little ashamed for acting like an idiot, and you try to discard the thought all together and hope that no one saw you? thats basically me right now. only im not in a class room, and im not surrounded by other students and were not talking about the epic of gilgamesh or glucose or factoring. im just sitting here in an empty house, with two cats, a cell phone, and God.

FINISHED MY FREAKIN ESSAY!

holy moley this took forever. thank you GOD for telling me what to write, cause i didnt know.
yeah im about to post it on here. im darn proud of this sucker. and besides, i mention 'my youth group' once, hahaha.


Mark Twain said it right when he said “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Any member of a community or society has a duty to perform for the well being of the area. Whether a society is considered to be a school, or in a neighborhood, or just in a general vicinity, everyone has a social part to play. To be responsible in terms fitting a member of society means to respect your environment, to give back to your community, and to not abuse the power of freedom.

Your environment isn’t just the surrounding nature, it’s the people too. To be environmentally responsible doesn’t just mean to be “eco-friendly,” but to also have respect for those around you. This includes cleaning up for yourself, and being considerate towards others. Take a walk down the street and pay attention to the ground, it’s littered in cigarette butts and blackened gum; at nearly every stop light a similar sight can be seen. Out side of stores and in parking lots, the pattern continues. Seeing the little, round, black spots decorating the sidewalk is unappealing to everyone and personally encourages me not to even walk there. A responsible and respectful member to the community would never consider polluting any common place like this.

A major role of a responsible citizen is giving back. It doesn’t matter if it’s contributing to your particular society or even that of another country’s. Every community needs some kind of help; the only action necessary consists of selecting a role. For me, my youth group and I went on a mission’s trip to West Virginia last year and worked on two homes together. We repaired and painted several things both inside and out of the house, preformed yard work, and improved their overall community. We finished over the course of a week and the homes looked immensely better. The owners of both homes were truly enlightened by our efforts, and the surrounding community was grateful too. Performing community service is one of the most beneficial parts of being a member of society.

One of the harder areas of being a responsible community member is not abusing the power of freedom. Living in the United States comes with many opportunities to express one’s opinions, feelings, and basically anything one wishes. An anonymous author once said that “freedom doesn’t mean you can do anything you want, but that you must be responsible for your freedom.” As a responsible person however, learning to control the power of rights is vital. Rules and normality are what holds a community together, if they are disrupted, the whole community is affected. Likewise, if the rules are broken, be prepared and accountable to accept consequences. Controlling one’s freedom is an important factor to being a responsible member of a community

Responsibility, as it relates to being a member of society, consists of attributes that have effects towards the entire community. These include respect, consideration towards others, a willingness to help, and being competent to abide to rules. A member of society will achieve responsibility by acting upon these characteristics.

dont read this if you dont want to hear me complain

i told you not to read this, because for the next several paragraphs, i will be complaining, A LOT. so seriously, if you hate it when people do this, TOO BAD.
today sucked, to say the least. im tired of highschool sucking. why cant i ever enjoy it? i was so tired and groggy when i woke up today, and cold, for some reason. i grabbed my freshly warmed pj pants out of the dryer and headed out the door. the bus seemed later than usual, and i was out the whole bus ride. i almost didnt wake up when it was time to get off the bus. i had awful cramps last night and they continued this morning. my hair was gross and it got even worse after gym. speaking of which, the gym is so dang hot. and gross. and sticky. and the locker room is WORSE. its HUMID. and SICK. NASTY. and it smells. oh and then during basket ball like three guys all jumped for the ball and landed on me, and i fell back and my shoulder blade on the wheel to a volley ball net pole. and later on, this jerk jeremy like punched me in the arm making me drop the ball. it almost made me cry it hurt so badly. and it left a bruise. =(
during math i failed a quiz, correct the teacher twice, and almost fell asleep.
english is so discouraging. like seriously, i would "go happy" in that class if i could. stephen knows what i mean. the people are so judgemental, and the teacher is so narrowminded. i hate how i sit complete opposite from the door in that room, because when i enter, i have to cross the whole dang class, attracting stares, until i sit down and take out my books. ms blue is making english a dreaded subject for me. i had everything so planned out nicely with my essay and shes making me rewrite it because it doesnt "follow her suggestions." im like, lady, there ARE other ways of writing. she doesnt understand a single word i say and so it makes me so unsure of myself when im asked to repeat myself several times. its like each time i try and simple it up for her, and then she accuses me of not "elaborating."
shes gonna make me hate that word with a passion when im older, so that when i hear it, i just automatically cringe. its already taking effect.

biology was boring. i got my new teacher, ms day, and shes boring, definitively not who i thought she was. but shes trying, and thats all that matters.
but towards the end of the class, i sort of got into a religious argument with the girl in front of me. she said something about elevation and i coughed *cough theyareinitforthemoney cough* thing. and she was all offended and shes like, no im trying to be a good little church girl. and im like, a what? and shes like, 'yeah, i have to be for my parents!' and im like, are you a christian, and shes like yeah, and i said, im a christian, and i frankly find "good little church girl" quite offending. and shes like, well thats what im trying to be, and im sitting here thinking, no, you should try to be like jesus.
"good little church girl" is an insult to most christians. it made me upset. so i went to stand up to throw something away, and when i came back i sat down with like one leg in my chair, kind of funny, but i ripped my pj pants. not bad or anywhere embarrissing, it was just on the top part, like it got caught on a bolt on the chair and ripped =[

so then i get home, and its hot my house, its hot outside, the heat is so inescapable. then for some reason, my mom tries and "bond" with me and shes trying to talk to me about this sermon she heard, which i dont mind, its just she takes on this whole other..person when she does. like every time i try and talk about God, her voice gets softer and she talks slower, and she looks at me differently. like.. its like that awkward voice you hear when your getting the birds and the bee's talk. like it just makes you uncomfortable no matter what we were talking about. it makes me irritated though.

and i really dont want to do this esssay thats due on wednesday. the prompt is a definition of a responsible person as it relates to society. what the heck does that mean?? recycle? dont break laws? be nice to other people??
i tried to write it with a school society, but its the idea shes shooting down. so now i get to conform to the rest of the class and write about the same crap as everyone else!
the question is though, what?
i really dont get it. how does recycling make you a responsible person? it doesnt. it makes you eco-friendly.

when she read over my origional, she said that i was focusing too much on one person, on the reader. and im like, well does one person not effect the whole crowd? she said my thesis was all wrong even though i practically copied the examples, only changed the major parts. i just dont get it. im considering just taking a zero for this grade and doing really well on everything else. but idk how that will work out.
now im thinking ill just stick with my ideas and just take the grade i get from that. i honestly dont care anymore.
today just sucked.
all i want to do is sleep.

IM NOT HERE TO BE DEPRESSED!

FACT: im not gonna let the dumb things get me down anymore.
FACT: I LOVE KARAOKE
FACT: i dooo nottt know how to spell karrr-eeee-ooooo-keee.

FACT: im so hyper. let me tell you about tonight.
dont be jealous, CC. were gonna do it again. consider this a warning for what is to come.
[[fact: im listening to techno as im typing this. YAY FOR BENNY BENNASSI.]]

okayyy. so i get to stephens and then like 2 seconds later, rob gets there. talk about good timing. so we drive to leah's. ROB DRIVES LIKE A MANIAC. but its fun. it makes me feel adventurous. but it also makes me appreciate momma's driving.
so we pick leah up and ethan is wearing shirt 4 times too small for him.

yeah so then we go get coffeeee, which takes forever. all these people think stephen is a freak for bootay boppin in the shop. we point and laugh at the 19 book that i see everytime we i go there.
we get our amazingly good coffee, get in the car, and go.
then were there.
we enter in awkwardly, and dont know what to do. we say hi to some people, and they just look at us.
so yeah. we pick out some songs to sing, and we end up like never singing any of them. but i have like a list of 4903284023 to sing. so yeah. the first song we sang was HAKUNA MATATA. [means no worries for the rest of your days] :]]
then we sang the circle of life.
and then tim sang the little mermaid song.
BTW. i mean tim troutman. not timmmm weldon.
so tim brought miguel, who was decked out in micheal jackson stuff, and so he danced to billy jean. it was really good. i got it on videooo. he was goood. and really funny.

so yeah. we sing other songs that i dont remember. a bunch of slowish ones. we sang horribly, but good at the same time. we sang rascal flats a lot, and love song by sara berrreellalskdakjdokasjd. and we sang hound dog and COTTON EYE JOE, which was awful, so we just danced and sung the chorus.
stephen danced with some old people, which was sweet. then i danced with tis old guy who liked to dance. i just basically moved my feet and stepped around, but it was dancing, and it was fun.

then rob and stephen sang write this down, stephen and i sand "i believe in a thing called love" WHICH WAS GREAT. cause it was realllyyy high pitched.
THE SONG BOOK HAD SICK PUPPIES IN IT. I WAS SOOO THRILLED.
it also had the weirdest songs. IT HAD THE SPICE GIRLS. i wanted to sing them so badly. and AARON CARTER. hahahah.
then at the end, tim was like "last one" and we sang "lean on me" and everytime i wanted to say "lean on STEPHANIE" i did a few times.
and then we sang like 3 songs after that. hahah. and at the end this lady grabbed the mike and sang like "will you save the last dance for me?" haha. it was cute.

and then they clapped, we clapped, and then said thanks, goodnight and left.
we heard someone say "what is that group called?!" we didnt realize she was talking about us, hahaha.

so we dashed out the door and decided to go to bohaaanglesss, where we sang in bathrooms,
where the cashier sang along and made "TWSS" jokes.
"holy crap thats so huge"
thats what she said.
stephen: haha it was so funny, there was something wrong with [i think he said] our vaccum, and my dad was explaining how to fix it. 'YOU SQUEEZE IT AND PUT THAT ON THE TOP OF IT' ha i cant say TWSS cause my mom is always like "who is she? why is she saying dirty things?' " xDDDDDDD

that guy was so funny.
rob" what are yo utalking about? im a senior! ...just not a senior citizen.
ahh ha. and then we got fries and talked a little bit with the rest of the workers, cause you know, it was just so danged packed at 9:30pm.

so then im like, i gotta go home.. erm to stephens house.
so we get our food and leave, but suddenly, we had to throw up. so we did a little. we threw an icecube at the window and it got the guy's attention, and then stephen "puked" fries, and the dude freaked out, and so then we just quickly ran away and drove away in the car, and hes like "okay what the crap?!"
hahahahahhahaa. it was sooo funny.

and rob was like speeeedin, and we wre spittin out the window, and singing and yelling and groaning.
it was great.
we drop leah off and sing and what not in the car. then we get to stephens house and i gawk at belle. shess a great dog. i want her.
haha. then i told stephen what all his friends meant by "have a great summer"
JAYKAYYYHDHSAJDASKD.
hahah. it was funny. and then i told off my mom, but mr caldwell said i was right, so that rocked.
then i got home and decided sleep was impossible and startedd this. only mozilla doesnt work anymore, and im running out of room on my pc memory and my cpu keeps telling me this. helllooo not like i can do anything about it, MKAY?
so now i have to use internet explorer, and it doesnt tell me when i spell things wrong anymore :[[

so anyways, i see woodlands pics from this year, and i like almost cry. they are amazing. i LOVE THEM SO MUCH. i dont even know whose they are. but i love them. i love woodlands. i love woodlands.

I LOVE WOODLANDS.
i want to be there...RIGHT NOW.

like right now.
come on geanie, come grant my wish.
but its 11:50.
SLEEP IS IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW.
ahh haha.
WOODLANDS.

:]]]]]]

everything is blue

i noticed this on the bus today. the bus's seats were blue, my jeans are blue, my jacket is blue, my phone is blue, my phone cover is blue. my notebooks are blue. my ipod case is blue. everything is blue. the sky, the ocean, jeans. facebook's theme is blue. twitter's theme is a blue bird. theres blue on blogger.MY ENGLISH TEACHER'S LAST NAME IS BLUE FOR CRYIN OUTLOUD. just look around. i could name 27 blue things right now. that blanket. that blanket. that bin. that binder. that book. that book. that flip flop. that shirt. that sock. that shirt. that pen. that marker. that paper.
its one of the most common colors ever.
i just found this really weird. and oddly similar to that song

yo listen up, heres a story about a little guy that lives in a blue world and all day and all night and everything thing he sees is just blue, like him, inside and outside. blue his house with the blue little window and a blue corvet and everything is blue for him and himself and everyone around.

its so true. i mean, its like a neutral color. its so familar, we dont even notice it. i mean i seriously didnt even realize that the bus's seats were blue. im mean BLUE. its so weird! blue seats in a yellow orange bus.

seriously. who came up with these color schemes???


ps: blue is just about the strangest word in the english language ever.
BLUH-OOOOH. its a mix of throwup and french.

if actions speak louder than words, then consider me a mute.

i dont get it. theres no other way to tell you this, but frankly, im disapointed. everything we've adviced you, every step we guided, all our prayers, wasted.

go ahead, be angry. say we dont understand.
but kid, this is for your own good.
just because were not supportive of this particular choice, doesnt mean were not supportive of you.

no, i dont hate you, i dont want to fight you.
you know i'll always love you,
but right now i just dont like you
cause you took this too far

a brief mezardjian history

tonight was the celebration of my grandparent's 55th aniversary. my grandma, hellen joanne matyok [match-ahk], is 76 and my grandpa, stephen mezardjian (who took on the middle name of hatchador* when he moved to the states), is 87.
my grandma's side is turkish/hungarian. when you get down to it, theyre about the same thing. its scary when you look at pictures of my grandma when she was my age and younger. we are IDENTICAL. we have a picture in my living room of her when she was about 12 or 13. below it is a picture of me when i was about 12. the similarities are uncanny. then as my grandmother aged, she began to look like my mother when she was in her 20's-30's. theres a picture of my grandma on her wedding day, and she looks identical to my mother on her wedding day. their facial features are very alike. so this makes me wonder, will i grow up to look like my grandma? when i was younger, 6-9, i looked a lot like my older cousin miranda, only with dark hair and without the freckles.so this will always be a mystery to me. but anyways...

my grandfather was born in armenia but was quickly moved to greece and stayed there the first chunk of his life. his father, hatchador* (disregard spelling) mezardjian (pronounced mez-ard-jin) was killed when my grandfather was very young during the hungarian massacre. this is brutal, but they actually took him in the middle of the night and shot him in their corn fields. its awful. but that allowed my grandpa and his brother, john, (or as they call him in greek, hhhhoe-nee.) so they lived together with their mother, traveling everywhere around that general area. during this period is where my grandfather learned so many languages; german, french, italian, spanish, greek. he was multilingual. he traveled from school to school learning all these languages, never staying there for more than 4 years.
i think he said it was when he was 20 something that he came to the states. he said he came over about '51 or '52. but i dont know for sure what age he was. his brother came over two years before him.
i think my grandparents met at a tennis club in their community, they both worked there. i think my grandma served food and my grandpa managed it or something like that. anyways, so they got married and had 4 kids. my grandpa's brother, john, on the otherhand, has a different story.
he came to the states around '49. it took him a while to learn the language, but when he did he found his wife, gertie, who was austrian and german. how they met, i dont know yet. she always nagged him to speak english, but he never preferred to. the two had three kids, mike, ari (are-ree), and monica. monica is a year younger than my mom and they get along great. ironically enough, she has the strongest southern accent in the family. ari is the more crude sibling of the family, and didnt get along well with others. mike on the other hand is a good guy, and ill talk about him later.
so john taught his kids german at a young age, and so they grew up bilingual. pretty cool. but john, being just as multilingual as my grandfather, taught the kids words gertie didnt know, and so she would always smack him when they used it. i thought it was funny. but when mike was 8, john died. and the three kids looked up to my grandpa as a dad. i think john died of some kind of organ failure, but im not sure either, its a touchy subject.

fast forward to present day, mike came to visit my grandparents today and surprised them when we were at outback. the whole time he filled us in on his family, people i was oblivious to until today.
when mike was younger, much younger, seeing as hes 60, he was working in his office and he saw this woman at the receptionist desk in the front building. during the day he purposely walked in her direction just to see her. he did that three times, and on the fourth, someone else was sitting at the desk. mike acted like he was there for something else when the woman said "are you wanting to talk to pat?" then he basically replied with "is it that obvious?" the woman handed him pat's business card and noted "she left you something on the back."
it was her phone number.
so inevitably, they went out and married 4 years later. they were deeply in love. they didnt have any kids though.pat got a long with the family like she was born into it. she actually became one of my mom's good friends. it was all goin fine until about 6 years ago, when pat had some sort of cancer and died abruptly. it damaged my whole family, especially mike. man he loved, and still loves, that woman. even though he's moved on and gone on with his life, his eyes still twinkle when he talks about her. im not even kidding. he loves her so much, to this day. i can see it in him. the whole time at dinner, he was talking about how non of his "match.com" matches can even compare to pat. its so sweet, a true definition of love.
"well what ever happened to so and so? you guys were serious for a while.."
"oh her, she was too tall"
"what are you talking about? you were taller than her."
"i know, but she doesnt stand right compared to pat."
it was so sweet.

my grandfather has such an amazing history. i want him to write it down, so he will live forever. but he hasnt even told his kids all of it, so you know parts of it are hard to talk about. but both of my grandparents are truly amazing. im blessed to be intertwined with them :]

just grin and bear it.

none of you want to hear this,
just warning you ahead of time.
that way you can stuff your ears with comfort
and run from what is true.

they werent kidding when they said, ignorance is bliss,
but stupidity crosses the line.
did you not learn from your past,
or do i need to tell you what you've been through.

and as for you, you empty abyss,
our words go in one ear
and out the other.
im going to give up my pursue.

i hope this ends well, youre a people i would miss.
i wish, heck, we wish that this would end soon.
theres something i dont think you see,
and that it hurts us too.