i need to get a lot out. i need to be expressive. im stressed out, yet dont have a reason to be. though today i learned how shallow my whole entire family is. thats the problem with seeing them so much, i get to know them too well.
basically, im agrivated with them,.
basically, im the only one who sees the problems.
basically, im too much of an underdog to do anything about it.
my uncle still looks at me like im a little kid. just because i dont know any 1980's trivial pursuit doesnt mean im unintelligent. though my grades may say otherwise, there are things that cannot be learned from textbooks.
im going to do it. i just have that kind of mindset. its sort of an oxymoronic type of discipline, though.
I AM SO NEGATIVE. gah, can you tell im pmsing? i certainly can. these mood swings are dangerous! and i FREAKIN RAN OUT OF TAMPONS. UGH. and of course every freakin store is closed on christmas! so its not like i could have gone there and fixed my problem. ugh.
okayyeah. im depressed. it irritates the living crap out of me. i freakin hate my constant depressive state, my negative stand point. but given my positions in life, i dont know how else to view things.
i know i wasnt given this observant over analytical mind for nothing. but what am i supposed to do with it? its like a gifted curse, you know? maybe. IM EGOTISTICAL. what can i say? i find my faults in other people and then learn to despise them. so yeha, i hate myself. what to it? i think that if i ran into an exact replica of me somewhere else in the world, exact personality and everything, i wouldnt like it. like even if i tried to be friends with myself, i wouldnt enjoy it. this isnt the first time ive thought that either. when i was younger, and didnt have that many friends, i used to think what it was like to be friends with me. sometimes i thought it would be cool. then i thought it would suck, cause i used to throw temper tantrums. aha, i was deranged.
man, am i pmsing or what. seriously. i hate being a chick sometimes.
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ramble.ramble.ramble.
EXPRESETATE!
this expressetation is neccesssaryyyyyyyyyyyyyy. is expressetation a word? i dont know. BUT I JUST MADE IT ONE.
ReplyDeletedawggggggg ive never had a best freakin friend like youuuuuuu. youre so different from everyone else. you dont seem to care about trends or superficial things like me. you strengthen me in my faith, you ask questions that really make me think. hard. and its a really good thing. we make each other stronger. i try to understand you. and its coming along. slowly.
but KNOW THIS.
i love you.